I AM LOST
Lost to the
hollow sound that rings endlessly
That sound
which feeds on the part of me that cries
The cries
which reverberate against its emptiness
Filling me
with that emptiness.
I feel only
chains caused by voices
Those
voices whom I’d trusted with all my years
Years that
now seem too lonely filled with those voices.
I have lost
my way, a way to get to you
The you who
was really me, the me I wanted
But I fear
the loss of the girl, that little girl who used to be me
That girl
whom I could not forget.
But I am
neither of them, I am something
Something unknown to me
And I
search frantically for what that means
What it
means to be someone who is supposed to be me
But isn’t,
or no longer is or perhaps never was.
What is "I",
when "I" have dropped to both sides of light
To be dull
and red, slowly losing a mind that was never complete
Then
suddenly I’m vibrant and violet, the world makes sense and everything else
Burns away
never to bother me until I’m red again.
I’m in
between brilliant and stupid, not quite reaching the full potential of either
Which is
the worst place of all
Too stupid
to understand myself
Yet too
brilliant; understanding everything else.
Where do I
find the one who gets it all?
I’m out of
fuel, there’s no more gas to drive this band wagon
And there’s
no more money to buy the gas.
Where do I
find the balance, how does one make life worth living?
I’m done
with the voices but they still rise up to be heard
I don’t
want them swimming around in my head anymore
Free me,
save me, but most of all just let me be.
