disposable

inside, i asked you to speak your mind
and got no answer
as expected, really
since the you that sits at the back of my brain
is usually silent

and i asked you to tell me with your hands
what you think of me

push me, pinch me
drag your nails along my self-esteem
and leave me marks to be proud of, give me war paint
give me scars
do what you will to my body, take what you want
from my words

just leave my mind alone, leave it
to process this all later
after the blood has dried
and the room is empty
and i begin to feel full again

i wanted you to tell me, but by accident
that your mind is just like mine
and i don't need to worry
that when you open my body up
my mind will unfold with it
and you won't like what you see

and so i distract you from my thoughts
with the disposable skin that protects them
from you

vast

and this is
vast,
wide enough to carve
the length of my ribs open,
split along the vein and picked clean
by the birds,
trace your fingers along the edge
of the clouds,
hooked beneath and pull
hard enough to stir a breeze.

i’ll ask for the blood
and the bone of my body,
empty along the horizon,
stretched along the soft
curvature of the earth
and abandoned
face down in the fields,
for time long enough
for it to flood again.

in the end you
are left with nothing
but dust,
the glint of the sun,
the glare of the grass,
the scratch of the water
as it rises
inch by inch,
foot by foot,
mile by mile
along the edge of the shore
in the fields.

for we are nothing

but tiny.